All Things Considered, February 15, 2009 · The Tour of California is Lance Armstrong's first road race in the U.S. since he came out of retirement last year. It's a comeback appearance for American Floyd Landis, too — his first since a highly publicized doping suspension ended. The presence of these two men alone is enough to stir things up in a sport already bubbling with controversy.
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It's Tax Season again, and no matter who you are, rich or poor, young or old, ignorant or aware, you know you could use a little professional help.
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Here are some testimonials from some of our everyday clients:
Greetings! You might know me as the man responsible for overhauling the nation's entire financial system, so you can be sure I know what I'm talking about when it comes to money. Now, just 'cause I'm well known, doesn't mean I want to pay full price at the pump, if you know what I mean. That's where H & R came through for me. I'm thinking about hiring those fellows to run the "bad bank" to handle all those toxic assets.
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Taxes, like the nation's broken health care system, are extremely complicated, and I am one of the few men on the planet who understands the latter. But to help me out of a pinch with those nasty limo expenses and consulting fees, I thought I'd bring in the big boys; I sure didn't want to end up on the wrong end of a Wounded Knee.
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Who sez everythin can't go up, and up, and up? Karl Marx dat's who. I like a company with a "can do" aproach to tak'in care of boaf mine and Jethro's Hooch money. Iff H&R Cellblock has the moxie to to keep out da ATF then I'll cut 'em in for a peece of da axshun. But we better git som'in bigger than baseball bats, doze Feds pack-it. Don't worry, 'ole Jethro and I still got a cache of da heavy sheet from our anti-ruskie survivalist shelter. I'll be dammed if the Gov. gonna tax my and Jethro's corn still. Were small biznez owners, en viron meantaliz. Green. Well no aktualy clear alkohol. Tell dat Obama character to juss geet. Go on now, geet. For I pay-up wit som buckshot.
ReplyDeleteyour truly, JT and Jethro
OMG,..these guys are my heroes !! Here we have the finest representation of American ideals. All that is pure and good...they really smile nice....I think I'm going to be sick.
ReplyDeleteI’m slow to judge due to never having been tempted to cheat on my taxes. I credit this to my employer who promised to work diligently at legally keeping me in the lowest tax bracket possible. He even took the time to explain to me how the IRS would rake me if I would ever get a raise. What a super guy! I wish everyone could be as lucky as me. I think I’ll light a candle in my heart and say a prayer for all our employers. Would the candle be considered a deduction? Gosh, this can be so confusing. No wonder these guys made so many honest mistakes.
ReplyDeleteYour funny piece, and Jeff's comment reminds me of a piece in an old Rex Stout Nero Wolfe mystery... "And Be A Villian"
ReplyDeleteI dug it out to share (with a little cutting for space)
Nero Wolfe "A government, like an individual, spends money for any or all of three reasons: because it needs to, because it wants to or simply because it has it to spend... a substantial proportion of this great spring flood of billions pouring into the Treasury will in effect get spent for that last shabby reason."
Archie "Yeah. So we deduct something? How do I word it?"
...
Wolfe "Did you cheat much?"
Archie Goodwin "Average. Nothing indecent."
"I have to pay the amounts you named?"
"Either that or forfeit some privileges."