Friday, March 20, 2009

Where has the arrogant one been?

Just checking in folks. I have been lost in the addicting netherworld of online Scrabble, otherwise known as Lexulous. Found on that nefarious online social network Facebook, I find myself dreaming seven, eight, and nine letter words. One consolation: my good friend Darren M. has joined me for several late night matches.

On other fronts: I write this from Borders, where I am chaperoning my daughter and her friend at the DVD release party of Twilight. I don't get it, but I'm not supposed to. She's eleven.

More later. My satirical engine has been idling lately, but look for further outbursts this spring.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Phone Home

All Things Considered, March 6, 2009 · President Barack Obama's gift of a set of DVDs to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown appalled the British media, furious about the lack of traditional protocol afforded to Brown while he was in Washington.

Iain Martin, a columnist and blogger for the Daily Telegraph, wrote that he found Obama to be rudeness personified toward Britain.

Martin tells NPR's Robert Siegel that Britons are used to a full news conference when their prime minister is in town.

____________________________________________________________________

Not commonly known is that this DVD is a special collectors' set that, for reasons that will become clear, President Obama thought it wise not to keep. Dubbed by Dubya in mid-2008, "The Decider's Cut Platinum 25" was originally meant as an olive branch/training manual intended for field use in the Iraq theater (pun intended).

Here are a few selected excerpts from the scintillating commentary of our former leader:

Citizen Kane:

That poor old, misunderstood guy spending the end of his term in a big lonely house, sheesh do I feel sorry for him. My dying words'll probably be "yellowcake."

The Godfather:

Gotta offer you can't refuse, that's exactly what the nice boys from Halliburton told me when they had "the talk" with me my first day in office.

Raging Bull:

That's what I use to call the editorials of the Washington Post and New York Times when Rovie used to read 'em to me.

Singin' in the Rain:

We used to let the boys down it Gitmo watch this one. Fired 'em up to do a waterboarding right.

The Wizard of Oz:

"If I only had a brain," that's good, that's good.

Star Wars:

First time I saw that one I was drunk as hell, drunk as hell. Did help me later on with foreign policy, though. Good thing I'VE got the Death Star. In training the Iraqi security forces, we basically just show them this video to the soundtrack of "The Ace of Spades."

2001: A Space Odyssey

Space Odyssey, my ass. More like 2001: my ratings went through the stratosphere. But like that damn Humpty fella, they took a great fall.

The Grapes of Wrath:

That's Barry's problem now, ha ha ha!

ET:

I swear that little alien looks just like Condi after a long night on Air Force One.


Saturday, March 7, 2009

SF Marathon

Sir Arrogant Numskull officially and publicly states that he will be running the San Francisco Marathon on July 26, 2009. Why the announcement?

I've never run one before, and I'm hoping that putting it "out there" will help keep me on track.

I will be in SF for the whole week of the race, July 21 to 28, so I am hoping to hook up with any left coasters during that time. The tickets are bought.

I plan to record some of the trials and tribulations of my training should they prove to be of any general interest.

Hey, yo, read "Bookmarks and Folded Corners"

Click on the link in the blogs list in the left sidebar. It's funny!

Just Between Friends

NPR.org, March 7, 2009 · President Barack Obama is holding out hope that U.S. forces in Afghanistan can peel away elements of the Taliban and possibly move them toward reconciliation.

There may be such opportunities, but the situation in Afghanistan is more complicated than the challenges the American military faced in Iraq, Obama said in an interview with The New York Times posted Saturday on the newspaper's Web site.

U.S. troops were able to persuade Sunni Muslim insurgents in Iraq to cooperate in some instances because they had been alienated by the tactics of al-Qaida terrorists.

____________________________________________________________________

Here is the text of a letter from the White House to a top Taliban leader. Due to the sensitive nature of this communique, Sir Arrogant expects this site to be taken down in a matter of a few hours by Homeland Security. Copy and paste at your own risk.

Dear Mullah Omar,

Wazzup, bro! Before we get too deep into this diplomacy thing, I just want to compliment you on that killer beard. I would have one, too, but US Presidents haven't been allowed to have full beards since Garfield. I personally think Nixon would have been a lot more mellow with at least a soul patch and muttonchops, but hey, it was tough being a Republican in the early 70s. You know what else I love? Those spotless white dishdashas you rock. One question: how do you get those nasty qorma stains out? I love pureed spinach as much as the next guy, but Michelle makes me do my own laundry. We had this "girls gone wild" thing here called feminism, but I bet you guys won't be having that problem!

Look, Omar, you and I have a lot in common. My middle name's "Hussein," for Christ's sake. Oops, I totally didn't mean that. Allah Akbar. I used to pal around with a terrorist. I mean freedom fighter. Dang, this is tough; what I mean is that lots of people here don't like me because they think I'm a Muslim, which I'm not, but lots of people in my family I've never met or even spoken with are, so I'm down with that.

I heard a rumor, Omar. May be nothing to it, but you might want to look into it. I heard that bin Laden was skulking around Waziristan, sprinkling his smooth talk, giving his whole martyr rap, but the whole time talking smack about guess who? Someone heard him say, "Omar mama so ugly, his Daddy make her put on a burka when she come HOME!" Ohh, slayed! And get this, "Omar mama so hairy she look like she got Saddam Hussein in a headlock." He did NOT say that!

Yes, we've got a lot in common. We both love watches. I have a Blackberry; you've got an iPhone. Thousands of miles and culturally two millenia apart, but same 3G network! We're both deeply devout (actually Michelle makes me go to church; I bet you've got the same excuse!). We both love the White Sox. Okay, I made that up, but I can hook you up if you're ever in Chitown. What do you guys do for fun in Afghanistan, race your goats, bet on the winner, eat the loser, and blame the Americans? Ha ha ha, no wait that was so insensitive.

Omar, have you ever heard of the noted Reggaeton star Don Omar? He had a massive hit with "Aunque Te Fuiste" in which he talks about leaving his faith to channel his energy into music. Don't read too much into it, but I'm sending you a limited edition of "Guitar Hero" with the complete discography. I also included some of that out-of-tune shit you brothers seem to dig. And some Beatles. All you need is love, my man.

I know you're going to keep running defenseless seven-year-olds laden with explosives at my troops. And you know that anywhere you go there could be a Predator drone ready to bust a cap in yo ass courtesy of Uncle Sam. But through all of these tough times, I just want you to know that you've got a shoulder to cry on, an ear to bend.

Yours,

Barack


Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Rap Off

NPR.org, March 2, 2009 · In the four-plus weeks since he was elected chairman of the Republican National Committee, Michael Steele has attempted a blunter and hipper — some may say a hip-hop — vernacular to breathe vigor into the demoralized GOP.

The party's first African-American chairman told The Washington Times of his plan to lay out an "off the hook" public relations blitz targeting young Latinos and African-Americans in "hip-hop settings."

He appeared on radio to denounce President Obama's budget as containing a lot of "bling bling" and used a podcast to pronounce himself ready to hold a "rap off" with late night comedian Stephen Colbert.

__________________________________________________________________

You down with GOP? (yeah, you know me!)

Yo, yo, yo, YO......

Stephen Colbert, was' goin on up in herr,

gonna tax and spend

witcha gubment friends

make you wear depends

this aint even the end

yo Stephen Colbert, witchu slick back hair,

gonna tear up the place

with yo 'bamanation

betta give me some space

before I tear yo face, son!

Going nose to snout with my phat homey Rush

well he can go and kiss my George W. Tush

Got mo beezies than department of state,

we're the party of love, love that loves to hate!

Y'all got Barack but he used to smoke crack

I got blood red values to take our country back

See while Rush was popping pills

and causin all kind of ills

I was straight trippin on the stimulus bill

We the grand ole party of big honest Abe,

death row, Gitmo, and a place called Abu Ghraib

Don't cross me boy, I don't even look back

Up against the wall then I pull out my gat

Leave you beggin for mercy in my elephant hat

You down with GOP? (Yeah, you know me!)


Monday, March 2, 2009

Making a Case for Campaign Finance Reform

Special interests, pork, and, lobbyists: each side of the political aisle throws these accusations around about the motivations of the other. What is increasingly clear is that Congress as a whole has virtually no credibility as a body that actually represents the American people, let alone the constituents of individual states and districts. Here is an overview of the money raised and spent by two leading members of Congress, one Republican, one Democrat. These two come from heavily populated, high-profile districts, but the amount of money they spent on an office that represents one small slice of the country is nothing less than staggering.

What accounts for these inflated totals? For one, TV is clearly the most effective form of communicating political messages, and ads are expensive. The cheapening of political discourse that has resulted is not the subject of this post (too bad). Another reason has to be the fact that corporations and PACs want to influence policy through their donations.

One of the most frightening aspects of campaigns is the overwhelming advantage of incumbents. The giant leg up afforded by media exposure is simply too hard for most challengers to overcome, hence the recent trend for the self-made rich to seek office on their own dime. Some representatives even use public funds to run their reelection campaigns.

Without further ado, here are the numbers. I will follow that with a bit of research about some of the lesser-known companies mentioned.

My source is a site that should be in everyone's bookmarks list: opensecrets.org
I have put a link to their blog on my blog list.

Republican Representative John Boehner
Total amount of last campaign cycle (2007-2008): $5,342,022

Top industries that contributed to Boehner's campaign:

Insurance$222,525
Securities & Investment$180,600
Pharmaceuticals/Health Products$163,950
Lawyers/Law Firms$162,400
Commercial Banks$150,450

Top 5 individual contributors:

Communicare Inc$27,600
American Electric Power$25,050
National City Corp$22,000
American Financial Group$21,200
FirstEnergy Corp$17,500


Here's a breakdown of contributions. I'm not sure what "other" means:


Individual Contributions$1,638,383(32%)
legendPAC Contributions$2,280,558(44%)
legendCandidate self-financing$0(0%)
legendOther$1,225,540(24%)

Democratic Representative Nancy Pelosi
Total amount of last campaign cycle (2007-2008): $2,727,177

Amgen Inc$42,050
Akin, Gump et al$41,050
E&J Gallo Winery$18,400
Patton Boggs LLP$17,400
Torchmark Corp$17,000


Lawyers/Law Firms$220,600
Securities & Investment$159,200
Health Professionals$156,450
Real Estate$129,182
Insurance$119,500



Individual Contributions$1,339,781(47%)
legendPAC Contributions$1,511,730(53%)
legendCandidate self-financing$0(0%)
legendOther$5,434(0%)

For Boehner:
Communicare: mental health, substance abuse

For Pelosi:
Amgen: biotech, pharmaceutical
Torchmark: insurance

Sunday, March 1, 2009

An Email

New York Times Magazine, March 1, 2009
"Newt. Again." by Matt Bai


Newtgrams — e-mail messages from Gingrich with lists of policy ideas, questions or advice on how to handle the caucus.

A lot of these e-mail messages are deeply wonkish, written in single-sentence paragraphs without punctuation or capital letters. It’s almost as if you can see Gingrich twittering away at a Starbucks while doing calculations on a wrinkled napkin. On Thanksgiving Day, for instance, in an e-mail message one recipient shared with me, Gingrich fired off a riff on an idea by Louie Gohmert, a Republican congressman from Texas, who had suggested that, instead of a stimulus bill, the party propose a payroll-tax holiday.

_____________________________________________________________________
Here is the unedited text of an email I received from a certain ex-Congressman in November:

pete let me run some ideas by you by the way good job on that liberal blog i can see the cato institutes internet undercover counterinsurgency fund is being put to good use well here i sit at starbucks pondering how such a great entrepreneurial idea could have come out of the liberal pacific northwest let me tell you though the last thing i need is another triple latte my fat fingers are having a heckuva time tapping this out on my blackberry hey if barack can do it so can i right im having a hard time figuring out what to order instead as charles de gaulle once wrote in his charming 1962 opus les mots du general 'how can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?'


pete ayn rand once said that 'thanksgiving is a typically american holiday...the lavish meal is a symbol of the fact that abundant consumption is the result and reward of production.' i couldnt agree more which is why i sit here just kind of playing around with some numbers on a starbucks napkin sure ill catch up with my lovely new wife (third times the charm huh) later and catch some pigskin but my mind is racing a mile a minute so heres what im thinking

louis just shot me an email with a great question what if instead of a liberal special interest tax and spend socialized nationalized government dependency obamanation stimulus bill we just had a payroll tax holiday not to bore you with the numbers but joe down at cbo estimates that FICA and personal income tax combined are about $160 billion a month so what if we made casual friday into tax free friday that would put the amount of the bailout into the hands of business owners right away which would of course trickle down to those charming joe six packers who make up our base as my idol teddy roosevelt once wrote 'patriotism means to stand by the country it does not mean to stand by the president'

as my mentor ronald reagan once wrote 'politics is not a bad profession if you succeed there are many rewards if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book' and pete you know ive written a heckuva lot of books

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Half Formed Thoughts


half a poem half
eaten half birthday half is what
is given in divorce.
the glass is half

empty. half lives
diminishing to eternity
disappearing ultimately
to lead.

halfway home half
way there the measure
of bifurcation of symmetry,
fences. friend

ship is half a stick
of gum a loaf of bread
the last bite of.

ha
lf
halfling, half-pint, half-price, half-baked, half-heartedly, half-assed, half-naked,
and the most important of all:
half and half.

On Populism

As the economic news continues to depress us (pun intended), there is no mistaking the rise of populism once again in our nation's political discourse. The emotion most often attached to populism is anger: supposedly every day people are fed up with corporate fat cats/government bureaucrats/insert your favorite target here. And we're not gonna take it!

Could this "anger" be consolidated into political power by one of the two major parties? Or could a new, alternative, populist party form? Some House Democrats have already formed a Populist Caucus which they say is open to members of both parties. As the party of labor as opposed to management, individuals as opposed to corporations, the Democrats would seem to be more naturally aligned with an ideology that speaks to and for the frustrations of the masses. Yet, one of the first recommendations of this caucus was that the stimulus package have a "buy American" provision. Economic isolationism and protectionism would seem in some ways to be conservative impulses.

The ravaging effects of globalism on certain local economies are very real. Here in North Carolina, many smaller localities have been long dependent on relatively high-wage, low-skill manufacturing jobs, particularly in textiles. Those jobs have fled in the thousands to all the places in the world that have cheaper labor and less stringent environmental protections. Rural North Carolinians have traded a job for cheap clothes at Wal-Mart. The sentiment I keep coming across is anger that the corporate honchos have "shipped our jobs overseas," as if some nefarious plot exists to put people out of work. Most people don't make the link between the global economy and their own purchasing habits. Stop buying cheap imports at the Dollar Store, and put that money into local economies. In watching the various anti-Wal-Mart documentaries that show the devastating effects on small town businesses, I often have to remind myself that people choose to take their business from one place to another. Rather than scream about job losses, perhaps we can start making decisions locally that, for example, give tax incentives to businesses that want to set up shop in a depressed town center rather than a big box store in the exurbs.

As the U.S. auto makers prostrated themselves before Congress to seek out billions in bailout funds, we heard the mighty drumbeat of populist anger once again. Scorn was heaped on CEOs who made the PR blunder of flying in corporate jets to attend hearings. Members of Congress seemed to channel their constituents venom with increasingly sarcastic and bitter questions. The auto bosses were sent back to do homework before they finally got their money. That'll teach them! Fascinatingly, at the same time, the auto unions were receiving the same excoriating criticism. Certain salient details of union-negotiated contracts struck a nerve: did you know that some workers are paid not to work!?! Contempt was hurled at managers and workers in equal portions. Occasionally someone would suggest that we needed to bail the companies out in order to prevent a further collapse of the overall economy, but for the most part, people seemed to genuinely want the Big Three to fail, to utterly cease to exist.

Mr. President jumped on the populist bandwagon when he suggested a cap on CEO salaries at $500,000 for any firm receiving federal bailout dollars. Who, besides the CEOs themselves, wouldn't agree to that? Personally, I have little sympathy for those at the top who are having to sweat out this crisis, but I cannot agree with the government mandating the salaries of workers in a private company. If anything, we should turn our attention to restructuring the tax code to eliminate the Bush breaks for the super-rich. Let's get the money after it flows out of the tap, not before. Surely some of the weaker, more foolish firms will fail during this period, hopefully prompting some reforms in executive pay within companies themselves.

Finally, CNBC's Rick Santelli spoke for many when he suggested that the government “put up a website to have people vote … to see if we really want to subsidize the losers’ mortgages?” Here we find populist anger directed at a lower socioeconomic set of people. Not the rich, but the upwardly mobile, the purchasers of that American dream castle par excellence, the McMansion. Greedy, greedy, greedy, goes the populist version of the story. They had to have it all, and have it now. They should have known better, and now we have to pay. Now, as someone who was a long-time renter and who bought a very small home at a fixed-rate mortgage, I could easily jump on that bandwagon. Yet, I was ironically fortunate to have a relatively low income that qualified me for an FHA loan. Others who made more were sold the same message from their banks, investment houses, and the popular business press: get as much house as you can, because no asset will grow in value faster. As a society we collectively ignored the impending housing bubble. Not only that, but foreclosure relief funds will help the thousands of people who didn't overbuy. Many have simply lost their jobs and can't pay their mortgages or afford to sell their homes at a cut rate. Millions of unemployed people is bad enough; do we want to add homeless and unemployed to our roster of ills as well?

Citizen participation in government is a fine thing, and anger at the powers-that-be is understandable and even noble at times. But what I'm sensing now is the beginnings of mob mentality, the sense that something has to be done right now, someone must be held accountable, someone must pay. The causes for our various problems are multi-faceted, complex, and have deep roots. To turn with bulging neck veins and start screaming at the nearest authority figure is not going to help anyone.